When I visit with clients who are returning to update their wills, I will often ask if they’ve taken the time to talk with their children about the documents they executed. “Oh, no, but they know that our important documents live in the safe,” is a typical response. Estate planning is often considered a private matter, something many parents prefer to handle quietly with the help of a lawyer or financial advisor. However, one of the most important—and frequently overlooked—aspects of estate planning is having a conversation with your children about it. While these discussions can be emotionally challenging, they are vital for ensuring clarity, reducing conflict, and preparing your family for the future. Here’s why parents should make talking to their kids about their estate plan a priority.
1. Avoiding Family Confusion and Conflict
One of the primary reasons families experience disputes after a loved one’s passing is a lack of clear communication about the estate plan. When children don’t know what to expect, misunderstandings, misaligned expectations, and even feelings of favoritism can arise.
By discussing your estate plan openly, you provide an opportunity to explain your decisions, address potential questions, and prevent surprises that might otherwise cause tension among family members. Transparency fosters trust, ensures everyone understands your intentions, and can preventing fighting after you are gone.
2. Preparing Children for Financial Responsibilities
For many families, an estate plan involves transferring significant financial assets, including investments, real estate, or businesses. Children who are unprepared to handle such
responsibilities may feel overwhelmed or make poor financial decisions.
Talking about your estate plan allows you to educate your children about managing inheritance, financial planning, and any specific obligations tied to your assets. It’s also an opportunity to identify if certain children need additional support or resources to take on their roles.
3. Clarifying Roles and Responsibilities
Many estate plans involve appointing family members to critical roles, such as executor of the estate, power of attorney, or guardian for minor children. These roles come with significant responsibilities, and it’s important to talk frankly with your children to ensure they are aware of the duties and are willing to take them on.
Discussing these roles with your children ahead of time gives them an opportunity to ask questions, voice concerns, or even decline a role they don’t feel equipped to handle. It also helps avoid confusion when the time comes for your estate plan to be executed.
4. Sharing Your Values and Legacy
An estate plan isn’t just about dividing assets—it’s an opportunity to express your values and the legacy you want to leave behind. Having a talk with your children allows you to share your vision for how your wealth should be used, such as supporting charitable causes, funding education, or preserving family traditions.
This dialogue helps your children understand the deeper meaning behind your decisions and encourages them to honor your wishes after you’re gone.
5. Encouraging Family Unity
Talking about your estate plan can strengthen family bonds by fostering open communication and mutual understanding. These conversations provide a chance for family members to collaborate, share perspectives, and align on future goals.
All too often, when a plan isn’t discussed before a parent passes, siblings point fingers at one another when they feel some portion of the plan is unfair – even if it’s just what mom or dad intended. Discussing your estate plan together can give your children a greater sense of involvement and responsibility, helping them feel more connected to the family’s shared future.
How Parents Should Approach the Conversation With Their Children
While talking about estate planning can be difficult, here are some tips to make the conversation productive and compassionate:
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Have the conversation in a calm, comfortable setting where everyone feels safe to express their thoughts. Avoid waiting until a time of crisis.
- Be Honest and Transparent: Clearly explain your decisions, the reasoning behind them, and the practical steps involved in your estate plan.
- Invite Questions: Give your children space to ask questions and voice concerns. Address their feedback openly and respectfully.
- Involve Professionals if Needed: Consider inviting your estate planning attorney, financial advisor, or mediator to help guide the conversation and provide clarity.
- Follow Up: Estate planning is an ongoing process. Keep your children updated if your plans change and maintain open lines of communication.
Talking to your children about your estate plan may not be easy, but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have as a parent. By addressing your plans openly, you can reduce the risk of confusion, prepare your children for the future, and strengthen your family’s trust and unity. Ultimately, this conversation is about ensuring your legacy is honored and your family is cared for in the way you intended.
If you are looking to set up a new plan or update an existing one, a qualified and experienced estate planning attorney should be able to help you execute your documents and prepare you for this important discussion with your family.
The information provided is not intended to be legal or tax advice and does not constitute any attorney/client relationship. You should consult with an attorney for individual advice regarding your own situation.
Ms. Melancon is an attorney with Legacy Estate & Elder Law of Louisiana, LLC with offices in Baton Rouge, New Orleans and Lake Charles, LA. The primary focus of her practice is estate planning, probate, special needs planning, and elder law. For more information or to attend an upcoming estate planning seminar, call her office at (225) 744-0027.