On a recent estate plan review call, my client Elaine told me that she had every detail covered: her will was signed, her powers of attorney were in place, and her decisions for the future had all been carefully thought through. A couple years ago, we’d spent months refining her plan, making sure her wishes were crystal clear and her loved ones protected. But just as we were about to wrap up, she stopped mid-sentence. After a thoughtful pause, she said, “I think I’ve taken care of everything… but it still doesn’t feel like enough.”
Her worry stuck with me. It was the kind of statement that was about more than her legal documents..
What Elaine was searching for (and what many of us are, deep down) is a way to be remembered for more than just our things. We want our families to understand what mattered most to us, the lessons we learned, the traditions we cherished, and the love we hoped to leave behind. That’s where ethical wills come in.
We’ve discussed ethical wills before, but August is What Will Your Legacy Be Month. It’s a fitting time to talk about ethical wills, sometimes called “legacy letters.” These aren’t legal documents, and they won’t hold up in court. But they’re often the most treasured piece of someone’s estate. An ethical will is your opportunity to share your values, memories, hopes, and life lessons with the people you love.
Think of it like writing a heartfelt letter to your family, one they’ll read long after you’re gone. Unlike your “Last Will and Testament,” which distributes your belongings, an ethical will passes down what made you you – your voice, your story, your soul.
Ethical wills have been around for thousands of years. The earliest ones were oral traditions passed down through generations. Later, they were written, sometimes as guidance for children, sometimes as blessings, and sometimes just to make sense of a life well-lived.
There’s no set format, and that’s part of the magic of ethical wills. You can write a long, reflective essay. Or you can keep it simple with bullet points, photos with captions, a recorded video. The point is to speak from the heart.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Stories that shaped you: Maybe it’s the summer you hitchhiked across the country, or the moment you first held your grandchild.
- Your values and beliefs: What principles guided you through life? What causes or traditions were most important to you?
- Life lessons: What do you wish someone had told you at 25? What mistakes taught you the most?
- Words of encouragement or apology: Ethical wills can help mend fences or express love that wasn’t always easy to show.
- Family history: Recipes, rituals, or photos; anything that helps keep your family legacy alive.
Many of our clients find that writing an ethical will helps them clarify what they truly care about. It becomes a reflective, even healing process. And for their loved ones, it’s often the most cherished “inheritance” they receive.
And these days, ethical wills don’t have to be written at all. Some people record video messages, build digital scrapbooks, or create online photo albums with voice notes. There are apps that walk you through questions about your values, stories, and dreams. There are also people who will work with you to record your memories, among other end-of-life services, sometimes called end-of-life doulas or death midwives. However you choose to create it, the point is to leave behind more than just instructions. Leave something that captures your spirit.
You don’t have to wait for the “perfect time” to write an ethical will. In fact, the perfect time is now. You can revise it as your life evolves, but getting something down is better than leaving your story untold.
So as we reflect on What Will Your Legacy Be Month, I encourage you to take the time to share more than your possessions. Share your heart. Share your story. Your loved ones will thank you for it.
The information provided is not intended to be legal or tax advice and does not constitute any attorney/client relationship. You should consult with an attorney for individual advice regarding your own situation.
Ms. Melancon is an attorney with Legacy Estate & Elder Law of Louisiana, LLC with offices in Baton Rouge, New Orleans and Lake Charles, LA. The primary focus of her practice is estate planning, probate, special needs planning, and elder law. For more information or to attend an upcoming estate planning seminar, call her office at (225) 744-0027.
